Leck Mich! Time for the UK to demonstrate it is serious about European integration – with the German Licking Song

The UK is often criticised for having an island mentality by its colleagues in mainland Europe. This is sad for those of us Brits who have worked hard to improve European integration. I, for example, at a very early age decided to promote cross-cultural fertilisation by donating my sperm to multiple good causes on the mainland. Needless to say my offspring are living proof of the benefits that can arise from appropriate relationships between Brits and mainland Europeans (especially the pretty ones).

It was with this spirit of continued European integration and harmony that I decided to pen a piece of music which I believe will do wonders for the UK’s chances in the next Eurovision Song Contest. We Brits need to put aside our baggage and historical arrogance and meet our mainland European friends half-way. One easy way to do this is to sing in their own language. Since a number of European nations speak German this is the language I have chosen for this contribution to cordon blew (I think that is the word?).

In addition to demonstrating our interest by singing in German I have also selected a topic which I know from experience that both Germans and the Brits (and every other European I have known intimately) love. The song is about food – or more specifically desert (=Nachtisch in German).

So without further ado let me introduce you to the Video for this cross-cultural masterpiece. The song is called ‘Leck mich!‘ otherwise known affectionately as the German Licking Song. Don’t worry if you are not fluent in German – I have included appropriate subtitles and explanations throughout the video. Please sing along and enjoy!


If you like the song please let me know. Just provide your details in the comments box below if you would like to be on the mailing list when the single is released (put ‘confidential’ at the top if you would prefer for your request to not be published). If you are French, Spanish, Italian or from some other European language region and you would like me to produce a song in your own language just let me know. I would be prepared to consider singing the song for you at the Eurovision Song Contest for a relatively modest remuneration.

When I wrote ‘Leck mich’ I was very much aware of the preference that mainland Europeans have for their songs to be presented by transvestites and I have quite a nice little tartan number which I would be prepared to wear for the appropriate occasion. The song has been designed to move further advance along the diversity scale compared with simpler male/female cross dressing numbers. I would anticipate Leck mich to be sung by a cross-dressing diva performing as a culinary desert (perhaps a nice little ice cream sundae with cream and those pretty multicoloured sweeties on top?).

The song does make reference to my dog (RISKKO) and he is prepared to also feature in any live performances (although clearly if you want him to join in with the licking that will cost more – it took me years to train him).

In the TRANSFORMATES 變 music project we take diversity and cross cultural integration seriously.

Chris Duggleby (and RISKKO) 

If you like this song or have a particular interest in cross dressing themes you may also wish to sample the song ‘Pretty Boy Sally‘ (the cute gay cross dressing peasant boy who married a Eunuch) – find out more here.

For those with an interest in animal music – and in particular cute pussies you may enjoy the Pussy Cats Xylo Disco – more on this here.

If it is threesomes you like – especially those including a dog then you may find that ‘Play with my dog‘ does the trick. Here is the video:


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