Nano Chip Cock Ring Detects STIs – Size, Thrust, and Speed – From Penis via Smartphone to Facebook: A UK Condom Company is releasing a new piece of wearable technology that helps you to track your sexual performance and allows you to download this to your phone and share it via the internet. They have just announced it will also detect Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). More below:-
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Many of us these days have taken to monitoring our activity and fitness levels using wearable devices that directly transmit data to our smartphones, tablets or laptops. Some enthusiasts even share their data and fitness progress with friends and colleagues via social media sites like Facebook. Why should this trend be restricted to non-sexual sporting activities?
A UK condom supplier, BritishCondoms.UK, has decided to take this restriction and turn it into a market opportunity with the forthcoming launch of their new smart condom. Actually to be correct it is not a condom but an electronic ring that you place over the base of a condom when it is on your penis. This high-tech cock ring is packed with nano chip technology and sensors that allow you to know exactly what your Willy is doing (That is – if you are a bloke and assuming you don’t know already).
If i.Con data indicates your thrusts need more power – try playing this next time:
Sadly many men have a somewhat inflated view of how good they are when it comes to ‘performing’ with their partners. This view does not always coincide with the partner’s view. Conversely some of us get rather tired of hearing that our performance was at best ‘slightly below average‘ (…’but keep trying’).
With the i.Con (that is the name of the new nano penis ring) you can now get analytical support that precisely confirms your (or your partner’s) performance level. It will give confidence to those who underestimate their ability and provide an incentive to those who perhaps have some ‘room for improvement’. In fact it can also measure the calories burned in sex so you can use it as part of a holistic fitness monitoring regime.
You can share i.Con data – for example at church – to demonstrate abstinence:
What do the suppliers claim for this device?:
i.Con will record:
- Calories burnt during sexual intercourse
- Speed of thrusts
- Total number of thrusts
- Frequency of sessions
- Total duration of sessions
- Average velocity of thrusts
- Girth measurement
- Different positions used (currently undergoing BETA testing)
- Average skin temperature
Importantly Adam Leverson, the Lead Engineer on the i.Con project has just announced that it will also have built-in indicators to alert the users to any potential Sexually Transmitted Infections present. This means the ring will not only monitor performance and various other stats, but will also detect STI’s such as Chlamydia and Syphilis.
So how does it feel to wear one? Well in the words of the suppliers it’s a ring that will sit over a condom at the base. You can use the ring over and over again. They claim it is extremely comfortable, water resistant and lightweight, ‘you won’t even know it’s there’ ensuring maximum pleasure and peace of mind. They also point out that you can use it with any condom you wish to use (and they certainly have quite a lot in their own range to choose from).
If the i.Con indicates you need to improve your rhythm try this:
Having a nano-chip and various sensors this nano penis ring can measure and remember several different variables about your ‘sessions’. Once your session is completed, you can use the dedicated i.Con app to download your recent data using Bluetooth technology. After the download the i.Con clears its memory ready for your next session.
Don’t worry about the electro-cock ring running out of juice before you do – it is supposed to be able to run for 6-8 hours between charges (charging is via a micro USB port that you can plug into the mains or your computer). It takes about one hour to recharge the device. I presume you can not use it while it is still connected for charging (note to marathon athletes: risk of electrocution).
Sometimes a bit of ‘classical’ can put you in the perfect sensual mood:
Although they do not have to – users will have the option to share their data with the global i.Con user community (via your preferred social media site, e.g. Facebook). At the time of writing it was not clear whether this was included in the software that Wikileaks claims the CIA can hack – but if they can this could provide you with an added incentive to ‘up’ your performance.
I understand the i.Con can be adjusted to suit an individual’s Willy size using a special band adjustment feature. This band will allow a user to flex the ring to the correct size to optimise comfort.
It will be ready for general release to the public during 2017 but interested consumers can register with the website now (the link is here). It will be priced at £59.99. This price will hopefully prevent braggarts trying to wear multiple rings (unlike the gentleman in Germany who needed the fire-brigade to remove his 13 cock rings – more info on that story here).
If your i.Con data suggests more ‘gentleness’ try playing this in the background:
A final comment from Aaron Slater, a spokesperson for British Condoms: “We knew we were on the cusp of creating something special with i.Con and bringing a new meaning to ‘wearable tech’, but being advocates of safe sex, we wanted something more and the addition of an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) indicator has certainly done that.”
I laud the addition of the STI indicator. The i.Con is currently in final stages of ‘field’ testing before its release later this year. I can not comment on whether my backing singers, the Pretty Spandex Boys, have been involved in the field testing for this device but they do seem to have been spending a lot of time hogging the USB ports in the recording studio recently.
Have fun, but have it safely,
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